Anything but ordinary

Source : islamicexperiences.com : Prerequisites of marriage by Ishrat Ali

Bismillah Ar Rahman Ar Raheem. Assalam Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barkatuhu. A wise man once said, “A person spends his childhood playing, his youth in sleeping and old age crying”. The people asked, “why would he be crying in his old age?” He replied, “That person will cry because that will be the time when he will wake up from his sleep. He will realize how much time he has wasted!”

For a moment, close your eyes. Think about it. If you have not yet married, then just think for a while with an open mind. Ask yourself, what kind of a person you would like to marry?

I know a lot of people have an ideal person in their mind who they want to marry. It’s true and it’s not wrong to think that way. I believe it’s okay to do so.

However, nothing is ever easy to find. Sometimes we have to dig deeper like an architect, fly higher like a bird who wants to migrate to a warmer place in order to get what we want.

We all fantasize the perfect person we want to spend the rest of our lives with but have we turned a few steps back and looked at ourselves in the mirror. If we look at ourselves, we are nothing like that ideal person we want. Then how can we even be compatible with each other. If I want to marry a perfect person, shouldn’t I be perfect myself? Marriage is all about giving not taking! How will I be able to give back the perfection that I am getting from my would be spouse?

It’s simple! The answer is one!

We have to change ourselves. Make our hearts pure for the sake of Allah Subhana Wa Ta’ala. Then only we can seek Allah’s help and InshaAllah we will marry someone great.

Marriage is the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet Sall Allahu Alayhi Wa Sallam. It brings lots of happiness and peace. However it is a huge responsibility. When we sign our marriage contract, we have to be prepared for it. We have to be ready to shoulder all the responsibilities that come with it. Marriage is like an exam. We can’t just go enter the class for an exam without preparing for it? Can we? We will just fail if we do that. We don’t want that. We want to be successful in our lives. We are an Ummah of success, not failure.

If you are single and if you have lots of free time, think of that free time as a blessing. For those who do not have free time and are single, you can at least try inshaAllah. Nothing is impossible if you are willing to do it.

I have thought about a few things that will not only help us get better in our Deen but also it will help us become good spouses to maintain a healthy marriage.

1. Acquire Knowledge:
Adh-Dhahabi related that they said: “Let’s sit and count the good traits that Ibn al-Mubarak has.” So, they ended up listing: “Knowledge, Fiqh, literature, grammar, language, zuhd, eloquence, poetry, praying at night, worship, Hajj, Jihad, bravery, instinct, strength, speaking little in what doesn’t concern him, fairness, and lack of conflict with his companions.”

A Shaykh once said, “It is a must for the young Muslim men and women to gain knowledge about marriage in Islam before they get married”. I think it’s good if we learn the fiqh of marriage before getting married. I also recommend reading the books like The Ideal Muslim, Ideal Muslimah.

Once I met one sister who told me that it’s been thirteen years and she is very happy with her marriage. She asked me to read the book, “Blissful marriage”. I still have to read it inshaAllah. It’s good if you to read lots of books.

Abu ‘Abdullah Muhammad bin Isma’il al-Bukhari was asked:
“What is it that strengthens one’s memory?”
He replied: “Constantly looking through books.”

2. Taking care of oneself:
Yes! We should take good care of ourselves. If we don’t, then how can we take care of our spouse?

• Exercise everyday
• Be clean
• Eat properly three times a day.
• Make sure you dress well
• maintain your looks, etc

Allah says in the Qur’an:
“O’ Children of Adam! Wear your beautiful apparel at every time and place of prayer: eat and drink: but waste not by excess, for Allah loves not the wasters. Say, Who has forbidden the beautiful [gifts] of Allah, which He has produced for His servants, and the things, clean and pure, [which He has provided] for sustenance? Say: They are, in the life of this world, for those who believe, [and] purely for them on the Day of Judgment. Thus do We explain the Signs in detail for those who understand.” (7:31-32)

3. Keep yourself on the Deen:
Pray all the five daily prayers. Read Qur’an daily or at least twice a week inshaAllah. Give Sadaqah. Fast as much as you can.

Abu ad-Darda (Radi Allahu Anhu) said:
“My beloved friend (i.e., the Prophet Sall Allahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) advised me to do three things that I shall never give up as long as I live: to fast three days of each month, to pray duha, and not to sleep until I have prayed witr.” (Muslim, 5/235)

4. Work on your Character:
The Prophet (Sall Allahu Alayhi Wa Sallam), who has the best of manners, said,

“The best among you is the best among you in manners.” (Related by Bukharee (6035)
You know yourselves better than anyone. Learn to have some good manners. Respect the people around you. Smile at everyone.

Al-Fudail Ibn ‘Iyaadh said, “When a person’s character is bad, then also bad (and poor) is his practice of the religion, his status, and his share of love [among the people].” (Book of Manners, page 435)
5. Do your best in following the Sunnah:
The Prophet (Sall Allahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) had the best character and manners. He was kind and noble to everyone. We are His Ummah and He (Sall Allahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) is our role model. No one else!
Allah says in the Qur’an:

“Say (O Muhammad (Sall Allahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) to mankind): If you (really) love Allah then follow me (i.e., accept Islamic Monotheism, follow the Qur’an and the Sunnah), Allah will love you…” (3:31)
There is so much you can do before you get married. If you really work hard now, once you get married everything will become easy for you. You will know exactly what to do and what to expect from others.

All the best in your marriage. Expect the best from Allah Subhana Wa Ta’ala and more importantly don’t forget to make lots of Duas. Ask Allah Subhana Wa Ta’ala to grant you a pious spouse, great in laws and also that you become a good spouse inshaAllah.

We all want to marry this very special person we have in our minds. However, when we look inside our hearts, we can see so much darkness. We need to replace that darkness with the light of our Emaan. Then only we reach be successful in our marriage and our lives as well. Allah Subhana Wa Ta’ala knows what is in our hearts and what we want. If we really want the best, we should be willing to sacrifice our sleep. We need to devote ourselves to Him to seek His pleasure. Allah Subhana Wa ta’ala wants what is best for us. It is we who need to become better Muslims inshaAllah. This advice is to myself first and then to everyone inshaAllah. I pray to Allah Subhana Wa Ta’ala that we be among the couples of Jannah! Ameen

Umar bin Al Khattab (Radi Allahu Anhu) said, “Nothing succeeds perfection but imperfection”
Let’s do this inshaAllah!! Allahu Akbar!

“In accordance with how good your expectations of and hope in Allah are and how truthful your reliance and trust are in Him, Allah will not betray your hopes in the least, as He does not betray the hopes of those who hope and does not cause any effort to go to waste.”- Book: “Reflections: Expecting The Best From Allah”

Article submitted by Ishrat Ali